Setting the stage:
I come to work each morning, hearing the normal morning welcome " good morning," and " good morning" is the reply. Then everyone splits up and goes to their own window, setting up their station for a day of work. I sit over at the drive up window, aka in the corner alone. I can hear the murmurs of conversation regarding my coworkers baby, how she hasnt quite turned in the womb yet, about the cute clothes she's gotten, and the parties soon to be had, those i havent really been invited to. If i try and enter the conversation, it quickly turns to awkwardness and each associate hurrying back to work. If i ask any questions about the beautiful baby to be born, i get direct cold answers, when everyone else experiences that smile, and excitement. I dont know what exactly the problem is, or why no one seems to take interest in my baby.
I sometimes stupidly try and offer information on how MY pregnancy is, but no one takes interest and it is soon forgotten. My friends and loved ones mention that maybe its because im not showing enough yet, or that they're just trying to make the other girl feel really good because her situation isnt as great as mine. But i can honestly tell you that no matter the reasons, it aches all the same.
I quietly whisper to my baby, " its okay baby miller , i love you, and im very interested in who you are." I guess this is my first experience at feeling the rejection of my child by the world, and how this hurts far deeper than someone having a problem with me. Though these things arent intended, they are so rude and hurtful that i have to pray myself through the day.
I dont undersatnd why is has to be this way, but i know that the Lord has placed me here for a reason, and I really dont want to share details with someone about my baby if they really dont want to know! So, ill just keep this my best kept secret and share it with those closest to my heart. But know that, if that's you, im desperate to talk about our little one, to dream, i dont feel like i get very many opportunities with people to dream about the baby!
We love our little miracle, and i know that this baby is going to be an incredible witness for the Lord, otherwise this pregnancy would be simple as pie! And it has been anything but that!
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3 comments:
sweetie, you are so brave and so strong! I cannot even begin to tell you how much excitement is building in me for this baby. I can't wait til I get to feel it moving, to know what it will be and what you will name it, to hold, sing, cuddle, (yes, change a diaper which I haven't done in over a decade) and BE GRANDMA!!! I might even consider letting you call me grammy..hmmmm....I love you, hang in there, hold on to Jesus, be who you are, love without reserve, knowing He is the one who will make sure you are protected. I admire your gumption, your spunk.
I want to talk to you about your baby any time you want, and now, ESPECIALLY at your work!! I had no idea and I feel sad for you. I personally can't wait to see and meet baby Miller. I know I am new to your "family" but I get giddy inside seeing you walk around holding your baby's womb. You're way too cute!!!
Oh dear Kaylee, this blog is so sweet! I just found it today, I wish I had been keeping up all along. I had so much fun talking to others about my baby too, and I LOVE hearing about your adventures in pregnancy. I wish we were closer--both figuratively and physically--so I could see you and hug you and tell you how amazing it is to be a mom, and how much you have to look forward to. You are lovely and I know your heart is lovely too. Your child is blessed.
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